I Don’t Know Anything About Football

John Belushi in “Animal House,” photo courtesy of Fablo Venni on Flickr.

We are three weeks into the football season, and the only thing I seem to know is that I know nothing about football.

I am in…wait no…I was in multiple survivor pools and like most of the world thought there was a full John “Bluto” Blutarski 0.0 chance the Buffalo Bills could go to Minnesota and make it a game, let alone actually win. No, they didn’t just win they kicked the everloving piss out of the Vikings. So, I am no longer surviving and dead in all three pools.

If you have been following my picks this season, I am now 3-6, and I am stunned. What happened to the Deshaun Watson that I promised to no longer bet against? The Giants bench one player and all of a sudden looks like a competent football team?

More surprising than anything, the New England Patriots lost back-to-back weeks. And by lost, I do not mean they didn’t cover, they lost outright back-to-back weeks. This hasn’t happened since caveman days! Seriously, this is just the third time in the Belichick era that they have lost back-to-back weeks by double digits. The rest of the league in that span has lost back-to-back games by double digits about 1,000 times or so.

I am also in a pick’em league where for two straight weeks now I have just four wins…FOUR! There have been 16 games each week, and I just picked one-fourth of the games correctly! That is ridiculous!

So, now I am at a crossroads in my life. I can either turn it around and go on a hot streak here or buy a cabbie hat, a thick set of glasses and go into the bathroom with JoJo the Whale!

~T.J.